sridevi:

yall on here: kljfhlskdjghslkjg us gays are useless! lol we cant do anything right ugdigxixhlcohc cant cook, cant drive, cant read, CANT count. we just out here being big gay disasters! asdfghjgfdkjfk we’re all just a bunch of big clueless dumbasses :) <3

me: 

chub-bolo:

im a snail and god is salting me

theocseason4:

draeneis:

your car: *bounces back and forth, defeated, its hood swinging by a mere thread*

my car: *triumphantly leaps six feet in the air, spraying hubcaps in victorious fervor*

(Source: categorical-abstract-ml)

dankmemeuniversity:

younger-than-the-soul:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

I just traded my neighbour a jar of raw honey for his parakeet’s corpse.

It is also worth noting that the only reason I have so much raw honey is because I made a dress for a beekeeper’s daughter.

And that I need the parakeet bones to make a necklace for the woman who fixed my antique cello.

And that I got the cello as payment for juggling at a child’s birthday party.

When did my life get this weird?

your life is a fucking sidequest

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